Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Weight Watchers Confirmation

I have been seriously thinking about re-joining Weight Watchers (WW) lately.  While I am not at my biggest, I am probably just a couple pounds shy of my biggest. I told K the other day - I have to do something. I am uncomfortable in my own skin and I just want to be able to cross my legs without having to tuck or hold my foot! 

She had a point - we spend quite a bit of money every month to maintain her health, why shouldn't I be able to do the same for my health? Great point, K. So I have been thinking about joining WW and figuring out if it's even feasible with my weird hours and I will be out of town for two weeks... and can we really budget for it... you know, finding all the reasons to procrastinate or not do it at all. 

And then today happened. 

I was at the grocery store, picking some things up for the week. (I would like it noted that they were even healthier choices! More fruits and veggies, less chips and cookies.)
Anyway, I am in the yogurt section. 
Nearby is a perfectly skinny teenage girl and her perfectly skinny mother. 
As I grab the yogurt I need, I knock a couple packages of gold fish off the little kiosk that I would like to tell myself was set up to close to the yogurts anyway. (Although, I just realized that this is just another confirmation that I need to join WW.)
Me, being the courteous person I am, I squat down and pick them up. 
And I freeze. 
Did that really just happen? 
OMG
I reach back behind my leg and...
 

Yep, it happened. 
There is no Instagram filter to make this situation pretty.
It's as ugly as it gets. 
It's as real as it gets.
Humiliating at first, hysterical later.
Apparently, at some point, the perfectly skinny teenage girl saw what happened because I saw her quickly walk over to her mom and talk to her in hushed tones. 
I calmly removed my sweater and tied it around my waist and finished my shopping. 
A couple aisles later, in the rather drafty frozen food aisle, I run into this perfectly skinny mother daughter combo again and the daughter once again, quickly walks over to her mom to point me out and whisper about my mishap while the mother pretends to be (rather loudly) contemplating what ice cream treat they should get. 
 Go ahead, get your ice cream.... get 10 ice creams... and then when your pants split, you'll remember me and have compassion instead of judgement - skinny bitches. LOL

In my defense, these pants are probably a good 7-10 years old and worn rather thin. 
Needless to say though, thin pants or not, I will be joining WW next month.
Got any good WW recipes you want to share? 

;o)

Friday, May 18, 2012

It Finally Happened to Me

We've all seen it. Those absurd text messages that claim to be autocorrect gone wrong. Well, today... it finally happened to me.

The back story:

My awesome mom is 73 years old, on Facebook and Pinterest, has a Nook color, a smart phone, and loves to play Words with Friends. She's pretty impressive with her technology skills.

Anyway, I play Words with Friends with her regularly. In fact, she's the only one I play on a regular basis. All the other games sometimes go days without a move from me, but I know how much she enjoys playing so I make it a point to play her. Not to mention playing Words is also how I know she's still alive and kicking. Horrible to say, I know, but otherwise I'd have to call and check on her every day. Now I can check on her without her really knowing and without driving us both crazy.

Back to the story... the nightly routine is we play back and forth pretty consistently and then all of a sudden it just stops. It feels so... abrupt. Like being hung up on in the middle of a conversation.

So, I texted my mom last night:

Me: Going forward... I would like for you to say good night when you play your last Words turn. K? K, thanks.

Mom (this morning): Why? It's not your bedtime.

Oh, I forgot to mention that my mom is and can be quite the smart ass.

So I say: I know, but I am anxiously anticipating your sexy move and then it doesn't happen.

Mom: That is sick to say your mother is sexy!

*Crinkled brow, scratching my head.* What?! *Re-read text*

Me: Damn autocorrect! LMAO I am dying!!!

That was supposed to say, I am anxiously anticipating your NEXT move, not sexy move. It was hilarious. I couldn't even tell K what had happened at first because I was laughing so hard.

This -- was priceless. I absolutely adore my mom and these are the moments with her that I cherish!