Monday, October 24, 2011

What's My Deal?

The title of my blog is Heinz 57 because it's supposed to be a mixed bag of blogs. Cooking, crafting, life... etc. So far, it's pretty much just been a crafting blog. Pretty impressive, huh? I have such a perfect life that I dont have anything to blog about besides crafting! :o)

Hardly. :o|

There have been a couple of times I have had things on my mind that I thought, Oh, I should blog about it! But then I revert to my Blog Schmog feelings and I end up talking myself out of sharing my thoughts on my blog. Ms. Rink says, just do it, we'll read them... and I think, but I could just email you what I would blog about which would probably be more effective anyway because it would open up an actual dialogue to allow for feedback and processing.

What the hell... I guess I'll just go for it and see what happens.

I am typically a pretty happy person. I have even been called bubbly. I annoy people with always finding the silver lining in shitty situations and when I dont have a smile on my face, people are constantly asking if I am OK. This has not been me lately.

Sure, I have days like that... or moments like that, but lately I have just been moody. Snappy. Quiet. Annoyed. I dont want people in my space at work. I just want to be left alone. I'm not sure what it's all about. I just got married two months ago. I should still be on cloud nine from knowing I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend!! <3

So what's my deal?

Is it just because it's Monday and Tuesday will be better? I despise Mondays and am usually a crab on them, but I was thinking since I had such a great weekend that maybe this Monday would be different. I doubt Tuesday will be much better because I am starting a new job I am not excited about. I feel like I sold my soul to the devil for 5% more money. Is it really going to be worth it? God, I hope so because I love my job right now and there's a lot to be said for that. 

Is it simply because the weather is changing and it's getting dark earlier? This usually does a number on me. I like my days to feel longer. When I get off work at 5 and it's already dark out, I feel like I need to go home and get in my pajamas and call it a day. In the summer, when the days are longer, we can still go to the beach when I get off work, or go for a walk in the park. You cant really do all that when it's dark at 5.

Is it because of all the clutter all around me? Around the house, on my desk at work, in my car. It's endless. I keep saying I want to live a simple life, yet I have all this stuff around me.

Is it because I am a procrastinator and I look around at all the things that need to be done and beat myself up for them not being done? Maybe I will feel better if I just get up and do all the things I want to do instead of telling myself I will do it on the weekend and then come the weekend, I still dont do it.

Is it because I know the holidays are looming around the corner and I know we dont have the money I would like to be able to spend on our loved ones? 

Is it because I am lonely? I love where we live, and I would never change moving down here. I absolutely love and adore my wife and on most days, she's enough. Then there's the days where I wish we were closer to family so we could go hang out with other people we love and enjoy being around.

Perhaps its a combination of all these things.

Whatever "it" is... I wish it would go away. I want the old me back. Maybe that's part of the problem. I am waiting for "it" to go away and for some magical moment to make me feel better when really, it's my own responsibility to take action and make things better. 

I know the tricks. Tackle one thing at a time. Instead of looking at the whole picture, look at it piece by piece and then it's not so overwhelming. Do what you can with what you've got. Focus on the things that you do have, not the things that you dont have.

I guess since I know the tricks (please feel free to share some I might have missed), and I have some ideas of what might be bothering me, I need to just start taking action to eliminate these little things one at a time. Maybe it will make me feel lighter and I'll be able to find the happy me again.


  1. Awww friend, I miss you! Even when you are pissed off, I love you and you make me laugh in any mood you are in! I LOVE your blog!! =)

  2. Highly recommend:

    Read the book when I was in CA for your wedding, actually and come back to the blog for reminders.

  3. Please send book. I have another Jen Lancaster one to send you as soon as K finishes reading it.